14th: A Guide To St Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day
Every day the 14th
I don’t think y’all heard me
I just wanna say Happy Valentine’s Day
Every day the 14th
Can y’all dig that?
-Outkast – Happy Valentine’s Day

14th are one of our favourite new bands – we love them so much that we’re going to see them play tomorrow at The Jazz Cafe! You should come too. Their name is inspired by the Outkast song quoted above. We’re all a bit anti-Vday in the Notion office, so we thought, ‘Why not call upon 14th to tell us how to make our most dreaded day of the year less painful?’ Here’s Tracey and Tom’s guide on how to make next Tuesday a bit less cliché and a bit more HOORAY.

THE GIFTS
We don’t think gifts should be gender specific, so here’s a list of 10 delightful gift options that anyone could enjoy.

1. A halogen oven - A genius invention. Makes a roast in half the time and helps you save on that energy bill. This is a winner.
2. A trip to Cuba - Imagine all the dancing!
3. A Slanket (blanket with sleeves) – Solver of all of mankind’s blanket related problems. This gift says ‘Honey, I want your arms to remain snuggly under your blanket even when reaching for objects or reading a book’. True love.
4. Hair extensions (individual wefts or full wig piece) – Good quality washable and re-usable ones. Perfect for anyone who likes a change from time to time.
5. A foot spa - Who doesn’t enjoy a good foot spa?
6. National Trust membership – That’s just quite nice innit.
7. Memory foam pillows – Ensuring a good nights sleep and stiff neck prevention for the one you love.
8. A Bugatti - A bit flashy but if your budget allows, why not? Beyoncé got Jay-Z one of these.
9. Cream tea at the Ritz – Again, thats just quite nice innit.
10. Toastie bags – For making toasted sandwiches in the toaster without starting fires. This gift says: ‘I want you to have access to toasted sandwiches at your whim with no fuss or danger’.

THE FOOD
There’s no doubt that food is the way into anyone’s heart, man or woman.

1. Tracey’s house - We throw down beast in this kitchen. There will be variety and assortments. Jollof rice, chicken, plantain, boiled yam, spinach stew and grilled fish could all be part of one meal. On a special day one should have choices.
2. Picnic it - Cook up a selection of your loved one’s favourites and head out into the various parklands that London has to offer. Don’t fret about the adverse weather conditions – if you’ve carefully followed our aforementioned gift guide, your Slanket will help shield you from the cold.
3. Chicken Cottage - They do an extended grilled menu, so very health conscious. It’s also so much classier than Morleys.
4. Thailand – I’ve heard they have some of the best food in the world. It might be worth a trip on the 14th especially since restaurants in London will be all booked up by now.
5. Gabby’s West Indian take away and cafe in Lewisham - They do a great soup with mutton, yam, and dumplings. It feels so good for your insides and won’t kill your pocket. If you take someone really special, you may want to bulk it all up with a flaky pastry pattie.

14th’s Ideal St Valentine’s Day

Tracey – I think I would love to do Vegas with my girls. This would be the ideal anti-Valentine’s. It’s not about staying local and stewing over not receiving any cards or chocolate.

Tom – Treasure hunts are always fun, but dangerous if your treasure is of high value so best to do this with your Poundland gifts rather than anything too flashy. Place treasure in emotionally significant locations if you want to risk making your other half cry in public.

So there we have it, 14th’s guide to St Val’s. Now go, woo the one you fancy with a slanket!

-Bronya Francis