Home // Fashion // Events // LFW: 10 people we DON’T want to see
Hanneli-Mustaparta-Paris-Fashion-Week-Spring-2013-600x400

LFW: 10 people we DON’T want to see

(featured image: Stefania Yarhi)

The irony of London Fashion Week is that whilst being witness to the most cutting edge fashion in the world, which will soon come to define what the aesthetics of the future will look like, you are also faced with extreme ugliness – a vile unpleasantness that comes mainly in the form of the following groups of people. With just a week to go, these dear Planet Notion readers, are the 10 people we do NOT want to see at London Fashion Week:

1) The “high-street collaboration wearing” crowd – wearing Versace x H&M or Agi + Sam x Topman or indeed any high-low collaboration to fashion week does NOT put across that you are a fashionable individual. Far from it. It shows that you have high-end aspirations but no will power to realize them. A real fashionista will do everything in the world that is required to acquire the real thing – regardless of if this means not eating a single thing for a month or moonlighting as a whore.

2) The “studded” brigade – wearing Louboutin or Valentino studded shoes does not ‘lift’ your polyester outfit into the realms of luxury. Far from it. It drags your cheap look down to the gutter, precisely where your stupid studded shoes belong.

3) The “entire runway look” individuals – wearing a full runway look, exactly as it appeared on the catwalk from head to toe, is the exact opposite of being original, chic or stylish. It is in fact a thing called ‘copying’. Remember at school when that fat boy who wee’d himself in assembly once copied you in that maths test – and you hated him and just wished he would die? Well head-to-toe runway copiers, YOU ARE that urine smelling lard-ass.

4) The “men carrying Hermes Birkin bags as if they are holding a small adopted child” – No! Just stop it. I mean really, have some dignity and buy a proper man bag. And stop treating the Birkin as if there is a child hibernating in there, we all know it’s full wasabi tuna canapés that you swiped from the press lounge.

5) The “Hello Shitties” – Harajuku girls look good in Harajuku because they are exactly that – in Harajuku. Amongst the beautiful period architecture of Somerset House your manga-esque Lolita dress with hanging fluffy frogs and pink wig looks ridiculous. Fashion is about context – and this is most certainly not the right context for you!

6) The “bondage latex blow-up doll” gang – we’re not entirely sure of what your contribution to societies dialogue with fashion is, but we’re pretty sure it’s marginal. Whilst at first it was an interesting social commentary on the brilliant ridiculousness of this industry, your point was quickly undermined when you were photographed at your 11th free party of the evening dribbling free Lambrini cocktails down your plastic face mask.

7) The “iPhone camera street style photographers” – are you being serious? Do you know what we people going between shows have to juggle at fashion week? Tickets – schedules – notebooks – Vitamin Water – poppers – cameras – cape coats – this season’s latest IT clutch bag. Fair enough if you’re Tommy Ton, Scott Shulman or Yvan Rudik we’re happy to pout for you – but we’re not stopping to pose for your iPhone or Nokia 5210 camera, which will no doubt make us look pasty white, red eyed and triple chinned!

8) The “reality TV” lot – yes you have been given minor Channel 5 television coverage for whatever scripted and highly edited reality TV show you happen to have a guest role in, but fashion week is NOT the place to be plugging your new fragrance, tasting menu for Chicken Cottage or ‘fashion collaboration’ with a sanitary towel brand.

9) The “make-over” hunters – It’s a week devoted to all that is visual, and amidst 24 hour days that fashion week presented, the free Mac and Toni & Guy touch up’s are a life saver. But this is NOT the place for you to have a full on life make over – do us all a favour and write into Gok if that’s what you want!

Fashionable FROW: Peaches sister Pixie Geldof wolf whistled as she supported her friend Henry Holland's House Of Holland show alongside Alexa Chung and Nick Grimshaw

10) The “frow-hogging friends and family” – just because your next door neighbor’s friends mum once helped your uncle Simon from Swindon to put his shopping into the car at Tescos, is friends with the designer’s ex-boyfriend, does not mean that you have a right to be on the Frow. To put it lightly and use the words of the popular 2002 hit by the rapper Ludacris: “MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY, GET OUT THE WY BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY”!

-     Gurdeep Loyal



Leave a Reply