28/03/2007
The first ever motion picture to feature sound, The Jazz Singer, was released in Hollywood California in 1927. 80 years later it seems we’ve pretty much run out of things to make films out of. Literally every major Hollywood blockbuster coming out in 2007 is either a sequel, a prequel or a remake of something that’s already been done. This is a bit worrying really as there’s probably only so much longer them Hollywood big shots can carry on doing this until they really start scraping the barrel. In 2008 expect to see the release of Coronation Street the Movie as well as Spiderman 4 through 30 and Ocean’s a million. In the meantime, this is Notion’s guide to what’s coming your way in 2007...
 Spiderman 3 [MAY 4] Some kind of alien hybrid technology thing makes Spiderman go all evil for a bit. Scary!
28 Weeks Later [MAY 12]
My friend Ed’s in this. Apparently Robert Carlyle eats his face.
Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End [MAY 25]
Why are pirates called pirates? I don’t know, they just Aarrrrggh.
Ocean’s 13 [JUNE 8]
Ocean’s 12 was, let’s face it, a bit shit. This was mainly down to the bit when Julia Roberts’ character pretended to be Julia Roberts and the whole film disappeared down some nightmarish postmodern vortex. Hopefully they won’t do that in this one.
Live Free or Die Hard [JULY 6]
Not many people know this, but Bruce Willis is actually 130 years old. But he’s still the hardest
muthafucker in show business.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix [14 JULY]
How many more of these have we got to have? Surely everyone’s got the idea by now.
The Simpsons Movie [JULY 27]
Wicked! This is going to be amazing I reckon. Check out the previews on youtube.
Transformers [JULY 27]
Live action version of 80s cartoon. This is probably going to be really silly. Still it shits on He-Man.
The Bourne Ultimatum [AUGUST 10]
I’m not being funny, but I reckon I could take Matt Damon in a fight and I’m basically a physical coward. You can tell him I said that.
Text: Matt Harvey
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