23/05/2008 A guy from a gaming website plays the guitar like a toddler on a dustpan brush; note perfect. Your writer pummels the pads of a makeshift drum-set with all the rhythm of a fat man’s teeth, chewing on a pork scratching. A guy from a porno magazine sings “I’m a creep / I’m a weirdo” like a screeching cat, punching the air as he achieves a surprise score of 100% ‘Perfection’. We look at one another with goofy grins; it wasn’t perfect, but for three minutes we were ‘A Band’; a damn good (sic) one. Welcome to the world of console game Rock Band, an ingenious shift from the much lauded Guitar Hero that had a console bod, a porn writer, and a lowly hack who’d never met before, truly believing we could be “The Next Big Thing!”
I guess I’m a connoisseur on few of the so-called delights of the masses. Computer games were good as a young shipper-snapper - for interfering with schooling and playing with the Other Kids. They were an excellent form of escapism from the rough-and-tumble of those heady years - when everyone else was bonking in the bike-sheds, delivering crunching tackles on the playing field, and kicking-in bus shelters. Primitive celebration of London suburbia. Alas, Rock Band represents a rare occasion when serotonin kicks in like a three-pill swallow, a smile creeps up like a jackal, and you and a group of strangers lose yourself for three minutes in a bizarre moment of musical, technical, wizardry. A return to those bygone years.
In case you’re totally unaware of Rock Band’s concept, it basically consists of two plastic guitars which - in the context of size to man ratio, are akin to the inbred boy’s banjo in Deliverance being played by Johnny Vegas. One represents guitar the other bass. Making up the package is a fake drum, just like the electronic ones used in the 90s, and a microphone. They plug into a console (XBOX 360) – the guitarists pressing coloured buttons and twiddling a flap to strum imaginary strings. The drummer pummels the pads of his makeshift drum with wooden sticks, like a barbarian clubbing a tough rump-steak, whilst the singer squeals into the microphone to correspond with the high notes and low. I feel it’s my duty to leave it there. No need to dwell on the technicalities because you’re probably aware of how these games work; and if you can’t visualise it… Rump-Steak!!!
I was told by an expert on this new concept in cooperative gaming, that the songs on Rock Band are likely to be familiar to those with even the poorest knowledge of music. With classics by the The Rolling Stones, Pixies, The Clash, Beastie Boys, Ramones, and The Who, I make him right. An additional ten songs have been added to the European version of the game; old familiars from bands including Radiohead (Creep), Blur (Beetlebum), Oasis (Rock n Roll Star), and H-Block X (Countdown to Insanity). There’s a career option where your makeshift band attempts to go from grotty pubs to sell-out arenas and an online option so you can play against anyone who owns the game – from Papa New Guinea to Argentina.
So what makes Rock Band so special? I guess it’s that sense of false hope, a feeling that you’re actually pretty damn-hot on the drums or a damn-good singer because an imaginary crowd is screaming for "more music"; some poor pixilated fucker getting buried underneath a mosh-pit by an ecstatic computerised crowd of reprobates. It’s not the kind of game you’d associate with a social outcast console geek, locked in his room with drawn curtains and thirty cans of Red Bull; unkempt hair, Elvis Costello specs and the latest issue of Manga Models Monthly - sticky and contaminated in a mound of empty bottles and crisp packets. No. Rock Band is a social game, the kind to play with a group of mates; a fridge full of beer and the delivery boy closing in with an Extra-Large Pizza. In my book, that makes Rock Band a gaming revolution and a must have for all music fans… Albeit, with money to splash. CHECK OUT THE VIDEO BELOW FOR AN IN-GAME TASTER! Dangerous Dave
NEED TO KNOW: The UK release of Rock Band will have an exclusive launch window on the Xbox 360 videogame console from Microsoft, beginning on May 23. Rock Band will be available for additional platforms later this summer. Rock Band is a product of Harmonix and MTV Games. Additional tracks are available for download via the online option of the Xbox 360.
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