What with dreaded V-Day having burned a love shaped hole in the hearts of singletons and exciting couples to cream themselves even more than usual, we thought it best to present you with the perfect alternative to moonshine and roses: dungeon equipment and rubber! Celebrate fetish style this summer - could this become a mainstream craze?

Did you know that it is terribly British to harbour a fetish? That London is the fetish club capital of the world? The term 'fetish' gets loosely tied to an entire subculture that is homegrown and thriving - there are more fetish clubs in the UK than ever before, with the scene being fuelled by electronic 'body music' and a passion for DIY fashion, as well as alternative sexual appetites.

The dictionary low-down on 'fetish' is: 'a sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs.' Or: 'an activity or object which you are so interested in that you spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking about it or doing it.' Apparently we are liable to latch onto anything in the outside world and attach erotic significance to it: farmyard animals, anyone? It might seem ridiculous, but we've all harboured quasi-sexual feelings at one irregular point or another that have made us question ourselves. At least that's what I tell myself when I remember being inexplicably excited by the roguish Jack Russell whilst watching Disney's 'Lady and the Tramp,' as a wide eyed school girl. And how about Russell Brand suggestively bantering with his right hand horse, or enshrining seemingly innocent articles like waffle irons and plastic figurines with an erotic charge on 'Big Brother's Big Mouth'? Good old Channel 4, so advanced! Rubber, medical paraphernalia, Japan, Hitler Youth, aeroplanes, wolves, pixies, cling film, Geisha girls, accordions, eye balls, anything red coloured, WWII, McDonald’s uniforms, electric fences... Watch out, dear reader, amid the flotsam of our history, culture and everyday lives, lurk objects that could just trigger your inner fetish - welcome to the club!

Indeed everyone is welcome from technicoloureds to transsexuals, police officers to porn stars, but dressing up is essential. And don’t forget to arrive with your mind open and your sense of humour intact. British fetish clubs offer fully realised fantasy experiences; elaborate playgrounds for adult experimentation and individual expression. Central to fetish culture is the flouting of boundaries: these clubs drive you to test the limits of your tolerance and are designed to take you right out of your remit. While superclub Torture Garden can cater for up to 2500 people, there are countless smaller events happening all over the country - London's Club Rub is a good example - that have evolved their own communities, welcoming 1-300 fetish heads through the door for more private parties.

And you thought that X-Factor was the ultimate in Saturday night entertainment! Like the promoters at fetish club Kashpoint insist: 'Leave those old thoughts behind! New sounds, new shapes, new minds!' Fetish clubs operate around an inflexible 'No Streetwear' policy, but if you’re stuck for an outfit and you're skint never fear, homespun creations are always rewarded. London also hosts a monthly fetish fair, where you can pick up anything from top to bottom rubbers, nipple clamps, pig masks and PVC platforms to leather erection covers - kiss my kinky boots!

• WWW.LONDONFETISHSCENE.COM - CLUB LISTINGS FOR THE CAPITAL AND BEYOND

• WWW.LONDONFETISHFAIR.CO.UK - HOW TO GET YOUR HANDS ON FETISH GEAR

• http://WWW.FETISH-CHANNEL.CO.UK - WATCH CLIPS FROM THE COMMUNITY

WHAT MAKES A GOOD FETISH CLUB?
Clientele, themes, environment , performances, exhibitors, aroma, voyeurism, temperatures, venues with a myriad of rooms and fresh running water.

DO YOU HAVE A FETISH YOURSELF?
That’s best shared in person!

WHAT HAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE IN A FETISH CLUB BEEN?
The power of anonymity...
WHAT'S THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS OUTFIT YOU’VE WORN TO A FETISH NIGHT?
One that made a girl come up to me and confess I made her look ugly!
HAVE YOU EVER FELT THREATENED OR DISORIENTATED IN A FETISH CLUB?
Yes, both.

DO YOU THINK THAT FETISH CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE UNDERGROUND?
Life is cyclical and although fetish is currently enjoying a wave of commercial interest, what is fundamental to this scene are the people that wish to explore and express their individuality, however they see fit. This is not an ethos universally shared by the mainstream, so although it might be interesting and fashionable to charter a flight to the Andaman Islands, the question remains, do they really need the litter?

WHY DO YOU LIKE GOING TO FETISH NIGHTS?
To indulge the five senses I’ve been afforded

WHAT’S YOUR ULTIMATE FANTASY?
Delightfully wrapped without ever having to ask for it!

WHAT MAKES A GOOD FETISH CLUB?
Wet play
DO YOU HAVE A FETISH YOURSELF?
Medical uniform, black PVC, clowns

Making out with a dwarf in the middle of the dancefloor!

WHAT’S THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS OUTFIT YOU’VE WORN TO A FETISH NIGHT?
A suit with the jacket open, to expose a plastic male torso

HAVE YOU EVER FELT THREATENED OR DISORIENTATED IN A FETISH CLUB?
I had a guy chucked out once, but generally I feel comfortable

DO YOU THINK THAT FETISH CULTURE WILL ALWAYS BE UNDERGROUND?
Yes, people who go to fetish clubs will keep it there, undiluted!

WHY DO YOU LIKE GOING TO FETISH NIGHTS?
To surprise myself

WHAT'S YOUR ULTIMATE FANTASY?
In the wet room with a doctor and a nurse...

WORDS: LUCY WILSON